Love in any Language

My good friend and 16-year-old roommate Nana is teaching me a lot about the differences between American and Xhosa culture. There are a lot of differences of course and she has had to adjust to many things as a Xhosa living with a couple of Molungus (white people).

One of the things that stands out to Nana is the ease with which we say the words “I love you”. She explains that the words “I love you” are only used in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship – and that they of course rarely mean anything. Of course when it comes to the molungus in the flat, we are constantly telling Nana how much we love her. She thinks it’s funny and giggles once in awhile but I know that she loves it. Who doesn’t love to be told that they are loved, even if it does feel out of the ordinary?

The first time she heard the words she made a mental note that maybe these white people didn’t actually mean it – but in her words, “You each just keep on saying it – and I began to figure that if you didn’t really mean it – you would forget to say it. So you must really mean it.”
Nana likes to joke about the fact that one time her best friend told her that she loved her – and Nana’s response to her friend was, “Are you dying or something?”

One night while we were chatting about how odd she finds it – and about how it’s not “part of her culture”. She turns to me and mentions that when she has children, she’s going to tell them how much she loves them.

While I thought it a small victory for this molungu, it speaks to one of the biggest lessons that I feel I’m learning while I’m here. Culture is important. But it’s up to us as individuals to find what works and is beautiful about our culture and strive to keep it. And it’s equally as important to move away from what doesn’t work, and learn how other societies have managed to succeed.